Love vs. Toxic Love

by therapeofjustice

Love vs. Toxic Love

1. Love – Development of self first priority. 
Toxic love – Obsession with relationship.

2. Love – Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow. 
Toxic love – Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

3. Love – Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships. 
Toxic love – Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4. Love – Encouragement of each other’s expanding; secure in own worth.  
Toxic love – Preoccupation with others behavior; fear of other changing.

5. Love – Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)  
Toxic love – Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects “supply.”

6. Love – Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together. 
Toxic love – Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7. Love – Embracing of each other’s individuality.  
Toxic love – Trying to change other to own image.

8. Love – Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.  
Toxic love – Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

9. Love – Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other’s mood.  
Toxic love – Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10. Love – Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.) 
Toxic love – Fusion (being obsessed with each other’s problems and feelings.)

11. Love – Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.  
 Toxic love – Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

12. Love – Ability to enjoy being alone.  
Toxic love – Unable to endure separation; clinging.

13. Love – Cycle of comfort and contentment. 
Toxic love – Cycle of pain and despair.

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