Love vs. Toxic Love
1. Love – Development of self first priority.
Toxic love – Obsession with relationship.
2. Love – Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love – Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)
3. Love – Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love – Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
4. Love – Encouragement of each other’s expanding; secure in own worth.
Toxic love – Preoccupation with others behavior; fear of other changing.
5. Love – Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
Toxic love – Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects “supply.”
6. Love – Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love – Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
7. Love – Embracing of each other’s individuality.
Toxic love – Trying to change other to own image.
8. Love – Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Toxic love – Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
9. Love – Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other’s mood.
Toxic love – Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
10. Love – Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love – Fusion (being obsessed with each other’s problems and feelings.)
11. Love – Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
Toxic love – Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.
12. Love – Ability to enjoy being alone.
Toxic love – Unable to endure separation; clinging.
13. Love – Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love – Cycle of pain and despair.